The stress of moving abroad (even when it's your dream)

Anne G.
Jun 23
3 min read

Updated: 7 days ago

Understanding Expat Stress through the science of N.U.T.S.

By Anne Guslandi - Certified Coach (ACC), Expatriation Specialist

You’ve finally landed in your new country.The assignment is exciting, the views are beautiful, and you know this was the right decision for your career and your family’s next chapter.

So why does it still feel so… hard?

If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, you’re not alone. Many expats experience waves of stress, even when they’ve planned and prepared for the move.

and in full honesty I've never met an expat who told me it was easy.

The good news? Science helps us understand why.

Let’s explore a neuroscience-backed framework that reveals the hidden stressors behind the expatriate experience and what you can do about them.

🧠 The 4 Sources of Stress – According to Neuroscience

The Centre for Studies on Human Stress in Canada, led by Dr. Sonia Lupien, has identified four core factors that trigger stress responses in the brain. They use the acronym N.U.T.S. to describe them:

Novelty – Something new you haven’t experienced before
Unpredictability – You don’t know what’s going to happen
Threat to Ego – Your sense of competence or identity feels challenged
Sense of loosing Control – You feel powerless or unable to influence outcomes

Sound familiar?

Now let’s look at how each of these shows up in the life of an international assignee or expat family.

1. Novelty: “Everything is new, all at once”

From navigating new social codes, systems to understanding your local supermarket, living abroad is full of unfamiliar situations. While novelty can be exciting, your brain sees it as a signal to stay on high alert.

🧭 Expat reality:

New job environment, new language, new customs
New school for your kids
Even simple tasks like mailing a letter or using the public transport can feel overwhelming

📌 tip: Acknowledge the cognitive load. It’s okay to feel drained. Give yourself time to create routines that bring a sense of familiarity back into your day.

2. Unknown: “I don’t know what’s coming next”

Even the best-prepared expat can’t predict how things will unfold. Immigration delays, cultural misunderstandings, unexpected school issues… unpredictability is part of the package.

🧭 Expat reality:

Will this role be what I expected?
Will my family adapt?
Are my kids ok learning a new language?
How long will it take before I feel “normal” again?

📌 tip: Focus on what is predictable. Build micro-anchors (like a weekly habit, a personal check-in, or a go-to support contact). Resilience grows when we stop fighting uncertainty and start flowing with it.

3. Threat to Ego: “Who am I here?”

One of the most invisible - and painful - stressors is the loss or shake-up of identity. Your professional expertise may be undervalued in a new cultural context. A trailing spouse may feel disconnected from their purpose. Even parenting styles might be judged differently.

🧭 Expat reality:

“Back home, I was respected. Here, I feel like I’m starting over.”
“I don’t recognize myself in this new role.”
“My confidence is taking a hit.”

📌 tip: Redefine success in this chapter of life. Your identity is not gone, it’s evolving. Use this time to explore values, strengths, and leadership from a new angle.

4. Loss of Control: “So much is out of my hands”

You can’t control your visa timeline. Or whether your child makes friends. Or how your colleagues interpret your style. This lack of control can feel disempowering even for seasoned professionals.

🧭 Expat reality:

Company decisions made far away affect your life deeply
Systems work differently than you’re used to
You may rely on others for basic needs in the beginning

📌 tip: Reclaim small wins. Focus on what’s within your influence: how you respond, how you plan your day, who you reach out to for support.

🌱 Why This Framework Matters

Understanding N.U.T.S. brings awareness to why you're reacting the way you are and reminds you that it’s not about weakness, but wiring.

When we name the source of stress, we can start addressing it constructively.And when companies and HR leaders understand these stressors, they can design more human-centered support for their international assignees.

💬 Final Thought

Expatriation is one of the most transformative experiences you can go through. But transformation doesn’t come without tension & resistance. Knowing where that tension comes from, and how to navigate it, is what turns a difficult move into a meaningful journey.